COFFEE & MUFFIN
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I don’t know why there are two sides of the street labeled COFFEE & MUFFIN, but the one on the east side—with the director’s chairs and the tangerine A-frame out front—is the one you’re seeking. Perhaps the other space is overflow seating? If so, what a flex to have two storefronts on one of the busiest streets in town. Inside, it’s one of those places where the longer you sit, the more you see. The main wall is wood trim between cement, backdropping a tribal African scene on canvas (signed COCO 2014) along with a rogue arrangement of frozen puzzle pieces. And, in my opinion, this integrant is incredibly hard to style around. Then again, I get the feeling that the older gentleman managing the place didn’t style anything for anybody except himself. He comes off strikingly assured with his pairing of a charcoal and ash, double-wrapped scarf and apron patterned with rainbow brush strokes. There’s just enough seating, with more that fits around the small, open prep space in the back, populated by chairs of magenta and orange. Behind the scenes, there is one other personality: a kid in comparison to our front-of-house character who stayed in that baker’s cubical with only occasional appearances up front. While you probably won’t interact at all, this guy in black, jean cargos with stitched Asian characters on the side and black and red converse to match, is worth a nod. He seems to keep things moving; he fits the disregard to “styling;” and he rocks his own version of the brush stokre apron (I sincerely doubt that he would agree with me). There’s this overall impression of management without it feeling managed. It’s tranquil. My heart skipped a beat when I laid eyes on the Maicon MCN pop art print of the original Game Boy, a checkerboard of color that corresponds magenta and orange. And yet—here’s that more I mentioned—something else soon stole my gaze: a mask of a kind of rodent in a green hat lodged into one of the stocking shelves. Turning around, this smiling creature’s in the window too wrapped in a...worm? I compulsively asked the man pinned up in the scarf. This character around was Billy the hamster and his friend, Jean-Claude the worm. Why? No idea. Even he who works there seemed taken aback by their presence. When the music finally ticked on—an ill-fitting mix of Kid Laroi and Post Malone—it was decided: the muffin man that works on Rue des Godrans might decorate with a quad-clock (New York, Paris, Vancouver, Sydney), but his space keeps pace with some undisplayed time and to the beat of an unwonted drum.
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Drink: Latte Macchiato Speculoos / Latte Macchiato Spéculos
It’s really just milk foam for much of the drink. I watched him make it, and astoundingly he didn’t pull a shot or steam a thing. It was like a latte magic trick...not my preferred kind of magic. The cocoa powder on top of the huge foam cap looked like a marshmallow toasted over an open fire. In my opinion, it all struggled aesthetically. He dropped it off with a long metal piece that reminded me strongly of an occluder. I did try stirring with it, but the milk (even though it wasn’t very hot) adhered to the metal stick. If you tried to pick it up again, which I did for eating the muffin and to further stir the settling syrup, stickiness entered the experience. It was so bland for most of the time, that I actually decided to dive into the muffin (something I would have never ever done ever). Too much sugar. That being acknowledged, the layer of syrup looked so thin that I finally decided that I needed to add SOME flavor. Once I got to the very end, it started to taste like specoloos a little. If I was looking for coffee, I’d avoid this one. It just ended up being a large glass of lukewarm Lait de France, and I for one am in need of more.
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Food: Triple Chocolate Muffin
This muffin is weirdly dry despite looking like the muffin wasn’t cooked all the way. Actually, scratch that: it’s cooked all the way, the moist patches are melted white chocolate. Honestly, the muffin and the coffee are only good when eaten together. Separately, the muffin tastes like something not necessarily store bought or box made, but like robbed of the fluffy texture and compounded flavor that you’d hope for from a place that has “muffin” in the name (for the assessment of the coffee on it’s own, see above). Also, BEWARE! I checked out with the young guy, then made a spontaneous decision to run into the bathroom before heading out. I WAS A CHOCOLATE RUDOLF. The end of my nose was completely brown from contact with the muffin top’s chocolate chunks…AND THE GUY DIDN’T TELL ME. I get being polite but PLEASE PSA ME OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT. It’s the triple chocolate muffin that requires you to triple check your face for evidence of its consumption.